Only one word can distinguish the difference between Lust and Love: Celebration.
When you become a teenager and hormones race through your body looking for ways to satisfy your needs. Even still, some young adults inherently know the difference. Perhaps, the deciding factor is that he or she grows up with pure feelings about love from parents and/or guardians. And the other 95% are from broken homes, misshapen metaphors, and wouldn’t know love and what love actually looked like if it slapped them in the face.
I would consider myself in this last category.
Psychology suggests that we tend to pick, at least, our first partner based on the parent that we were least likely to have gotten along with. If that’s true, then I spent my life looking for my father—a handsome, football player type, intelligent, fairly arrogant, masculine, and stern.
Looking back at all of my relationships—except my marriage—this type of character wheedled his way into my life too many times to count.
As I went through many different times of my life, sometimes celebate for 7-8 years, I eventually let myself experience long-term dating experiences with people who had some or all of the qualities I thought I needed (basically dad’s attitude).
When that didn’t work, I realized that I would have to simply give up the search based on any prior criteria and begin anew—based on all new facts discovered about me and what I need after living life with and without relationship.
I was at step one. This is when I decided, what I really wanted was a friend who I could share a spiritual life with—one I could pray with and be completely honest and authentic from the start—no games, no manipulation, no guilt to get what I wanted… none!
Then, I met David, my husband. We met online. He was thousands of miles away. We never expected to be anything but online friends. Everyday we talked and prayed about the future in both of our lives. We prayed for true love, for understanding, wisdom, compassion, prosperity, and for finding a mate. As the months passed, I was passionate about my time with David. I could only see his face, so I really didn’t know if I was attracted to him (to be completely honest), but my heart felt so light and free with this man.
What neither of us realized is that the waiting and growing together before we met, never touching except with our prayers of good intention, encouraging words and our authentic selves were exactly what we each needed to prepare our souls for a relationship. Even then, we had no idea that it would be with each other.
I’ll save the rest of the story of how David ended up in the United States and how we ended up dating for another time. However, four years later, and many prior relationships to base this on, the difference between true love and lust is one word: celebration.
When David and I are together we celebrate our love. Each day is time to laugh, relate, love, be romantic, be pragmatic, help each other grow spiritually, and basically be the consistent support and security we need to live a peaceful and happy life. That is love.
Yes, we fight sometimes. But we argue because we want to get things right not because we want our way. We argue with the knowledge that each time we get through a rough patch, we build a stronger bond and fortify our loving foundation.
Lastly, what I noticed more than anything is the time of physical love is deeper than I could have ever imagined. When I take away the old ways of thinking I needed to be almost angry lustful for sex for the experience to be hot, I realize that underneath that disguise is a much purer, light-filled, exuberance and celebration of each other. In so doing, lovemaking is message to each other about bonding, caring for each other’s needs, in a place where there is no race to the finish line. If the celebration of lovemaking takes you there, how wonderful. If it doesn’t, also, how wonderful.
The difference between love and lust is having an adult perspective about relationship and its expectations. With that, you celebrate every moment together.
The Future Holds Possibility
Many people have trouble getting over the negative parts of their pasts that keep them from finding true love. I have helped hundreds of people unhook from old beliefs and find true love, even if it’s for a time by themselves, not being afraid of being alone and celebrating that relationship. Hypnosis helps you dig up the old bones and plant some flowers where those bones once were.
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Give me a call at 954-253-6493.
Bo Sebastian, owner of Hypnosis on Las Olas