The day before a new year and a new decade was filled with many emotions: fear, frustration, anger, physical pain, expectation, love, joy, acceptance, prayer… almost every emotion that exists was there, within, waiting to voice itself.

    I heard of the death of a friend I hadn’t heard had passed.
    I saw friends I haven’t seen in 5 years.
    I went to my first party in 3 years.
    I had a cocktail for the first time in 6 months.
    I took my husband to meet the 30 friends I hadn’t seen in 5 years at that same party.
    I had a stomach ache from the drink… almost all night.
    Before Midnight, I prayed with a minister friend who helped me wash away all of this and see only something perfect and full of light and love for 2020.
    I feel fat, too.

I woke up this morning ready to get up, wash off the old and begin the new, which hasn’t been the case this last week.

I have an old wind up cuckoo clock that hasn’t been moving for a month. I realized it last night and gave it a turn for the new year. It kept me up for 2 hours, as I wasn’t used to the chimes every 15 minutes. I heard every bang and explosion of fireworks as if it were in my house as I tried to sleep.

Still, in all of this, my best friend and puppy, Coco, woke me this morning, even though he refused to go outside. I thinks he’s still frightened from all of the fireworks last night. I just drank my coffee.

I’m still a little queasy from last night.

It’s my sister’s birthday today. Mom is planning a party.

This sounds like last year.

Is it?

#2020 #newyears #anotheryear