What I Said & What He Heard (Part V)

Who hasn’t experienced being misunderstood resulting in a heated argument. What I said is contingent on how he or she heard it—completely, unequivocally. This is Part IV of my commentary about communication in Relationship.

What I Said & What She Heard

I have had the honor of coaching married clients through hard break-ups and sometimes reconciliation. Almost everything in the process is about what is heard or perceived, as opposed to what is actually said. Honestly, most people do not mean to piss off their partners daily. They seriously are trapped, though, with unhealthy communication skills. What if we could change relationship by adding a few simple steps? Would you do them?

Partnership Training

This week’s assignment is to list 10 acute problems in communicating with your partner. Don’t show your partner. When you’ve completed the list (do it on a computer), because I want you to reorder the problems in order of severity. Put the worst problems on the top.

Of course, you need both partners, at this point, to take part in this Part V.

Flip a coin, roll a die, but find a fair way to see who gets to go first in this process. Everything should be fair and equitable. The person who wins the toss, take a wooden spoon or a bell or anything that says, “I have the floor and you must listen and not talk.” That is the rule. Whomever has the talk-item gets to talk as long as he or she wants to. When that person is done, he or she gets to hand the talk-item to the other person to share his/her point of view.

With a counsellor or coach there, we can make sure that one person doesn’t bully with the talk-item, or over-share.

One partner begins, one item at a time on your list. This isn’t a discussion. This is a monologue of feelings. So, it should be addressed like this… “I feel that…. I perceive that you… I get the idea from you saying or doing this… ” Do you see that you must own your feelings? You get to share. Then your partner gets to share.

Get used to communicating happening like this. Good communication begins with listening compassionately, first, then responding with a well-thought-out response. This response is about your feelings about what was said and possible misinterpretations about what was done.

I believe you’ll find that we think that we perceive our partners as thinking or doing something like we are mind readers. We are not mind readers. We also shouldn’t guess what someone else is feeling because of behavior. Often, behavior (angry or frustrated) isn’t a good indication of what is actually going through someone’s mind.

If you’re hurt by something that happened at work. In the same minute, you call your partner. The person is unable to share exactly what just happened and, perhaps, hasn’t even processed what had happened, begins to talk with you with a chip on his or her shoulder. The irritation wasn’t caused by you. Yet, you don’t know that. You have, however, decided that you are the cause of the angry tone of voice, even though you aren’t.

Most negative thoughts about our partners begin with misperceptions about what is said, because we tend to listen to emotion not the words being said. Let this process of back and forth be a lesson on how you haven’t given your partner a chance to share completely and honestly without getting angry.

This is a lesson in listening without reacting. Let it be a lesson. Don’t feel as if you have to be right going into this. If you do, I promise you won’t learn anything. Make this be a lesson in trying with compassion to understand the person you have chosen to share your life with.

I’ll continue with the next step in my next blog… Sign up for the blog on my website or in WordPress.

Much peace,

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Are you looking for help with anxiety or are you bored at home.

Try this yoga practice below on YouTube I made just for this purpose or give me a call for a 10 minute consultation. I’d love to work through your stress at this time with you.

The process is so simple, it doesn’t make sense that it could result in such a vast change in mind. You could do some seated yoga. I actually made 3 different yoga videos on YouTube you could go to now and enjoy how great you’ll feel if you spend just a little time getting your body free of stress. But, I can’t do it for you. This article about it can make you do it. You must be a self-started at home, as well as work. Set your mind to a clear schedule of things to do. This would be a brilliant time to learn a new language or clean out the closets.

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DON’T FORGET ABOUT PEACE OF MIND

We give away our peace of mind every time we react emotionally to inevitable change. Peace is yours to keep, not give away. So, if you are not experiencing peace, it’s up to you to share why you are anxious with yourself by carrying on a self dialogue. Yes, that’s right. Question yourself. Work it out together with all the parts of your mind (the good, bad, and the ugly). These are the times when we will be closest to our loved ones and also have a great deal of alone time. Use it to your spiritual and physical advantage.

Some friendly reminders about Peace:

You are made in the image and by the grace of Peace.
Peace doesn’t comprehend pandemonium.
Peace of mind is gentle.
Peace does not judge you or others.
Peace promotes calm and love.

Peace Helps You Keep Your Retrospect in Check

Psychology Today says that “it’s not bad to have negative thoughts …

We just have to stop believing them!” (Change your unhealthy thought process to a positive connection with Hypnotherapy.)

You will always find all the coaching, compassion, and peace of mind you need at Hypnosis on Las Olas with 31 years of experience. You can find what we do? and How we do it here.

The Physiology of Hypnotherapy:

By going into a subconscious, light sleep or trance, a hypnotists helps find the pathways connecting your outside stimulus to your negative thoughts (food, smoking, anxiety). The work begins in the frontal cortex of your brain!

Disconnect the root cause (stress, relationship problems, no quality ME time) at the foot of the pathway (the place where our response to triggers happens) and build a healthy, new pathway to positive outcomes in your life—a new story for tomorrow.

Email me at bosebastian5@gmail.com or call/text at: 954-253-6493 now!

I’d love to help you find peace, regain control over your life, and build a bridge to a positive future.

Bo Sebastian, owner for 32 years.

Clinical Hypnosis has been known to help these 145 problems:

145 Ways Hypnotherapy Might Help You…

Abandonment
Addictions
Age Regression
Aggression
Agoraphobia
Anesthesia
Anger
Anxiety
Assertiveness
Assist Healing
Attitude Adjustment
Biofeedback
Breathing
Career Success

Change Habits
Panic Attacks
Pessimism
Phobias
Stage Fright
Stressful days
Study Habits
Weight Loss
Worry
Writers Block and much more
For the full list go to: here

Find out all you need to know about Client Praise or the Different Ways Hypnosis can help you.