When a Parent Dies
It was never “if” she passes. In my heart I knew it was “when.”
I spent the last eight months wondering when she would retire from living. My mother was a friend. She lived in the mother-in-law apartment in my home for twelve years. I knew her like noone else. We laughed like children. I was her primary caregiver when she had three major surgeries, including a bypass. We never fought. Often, we had the same ideas at the same time. Our relationship went far beyond motherhood. When she moved in, I knew that we were meant for a time of healing for a mother and son who had been separated from fourth grade until my junior year of high school—when no child should be without his mom.
When a Parent Dies
You don’t know you need a parent until they depart from your life. In my case, Mom left twice. Once when I was eight and now again at sixty-two. The first time I didn’t have the mental capacity to understand why a woman would leave her six children and husband. Now I’m left without understanding.
When a Parent Dies
I’m a clinical hypnotherapist living in Fort Lauderdale. I deal with depressed people all of the time. I help them get over death and separation from loved ones, anxiety, despair, weight loss, and habits of all kinds. I decided to wear this professional hat, probably because I never did quite understand my angst at a subconscious level.
My first therapist told me that I was an angry man. I knew I was depressed. But angry was the word he used. He shared that I was angry at my mom. I thought I was angry with Dad. He said that I kept having bad intimate relationships, because I was scared my partners would leave me as my mom did.
Before my mom lived with me, she lived with my sister in an apartment close by. The man I was seeing at the time and I broke up after a three-year relationship. I was distraught. I called Mom. She said, “Come over!”
When I got to the doorway of her apartment, she had her arms open. She didn’t get up. I went to her. She wrapped herself around me and comforted me without a word. Then I laid on her lap, cried, and later fell asleep. What I dreamed astonished me.
I dreamed I was on a conveyer belt with all of my partners who had left me. When each of them went by, his or her face turned to my mother’s face. Everyone. After the dream, I understood my therapist’s comment about me being angry at my mom. I wasn’t angry though, I was hurt and broken, desperately needing to be put back together again.
I believe the person destined for that job was the same person who left me when I was a child. Mom began to help me put my relationship self back together for 12 years. She was there and never wavered. She even wanted to stay with me after I got married. At that point, though, I let that charge to my sisters. Perhaps, that’s why she got so ill. I’ll never be certain.
Mending a broken heart begins with time. One can compare the process with recuperating from an operation, something has been removed or cut open. Now, healing with rest and self-care are the only methods.
Think about the stages of recuperation in a hospital. First you are on IV fluids and complete rest. Nurses take care of you 24/7. Then in a few days, you begin to get your energy back. The nurses push you to exercise and force you to eat nutritious food, if you can call hospital food nutritious.
Soon you are ready to leave the hospital, even though doctors haven’t released you. You get angry with the people who insist you’re not ready.
This is exactly the stage I’m in as I write this. I woke up angry as hell this morning with crazy dreams. I tried to go back to work, but I didn’t feel ready. My heart isn’t in my work. I could just curl up and sleep throughout the day. This is so unlike me. Even when I’ve had terrible heartbreak in the past, I’ve never felt quite like this.
I know without a shadow of a doubt that God’s perfect will was in this passing. In fact, as I prayed over my unresponsive Mom in the hospital, my prayer was that God would take her out of the pain and lead her home. She had fought to stay alive long enough.
While driving to the grocery the next day after I wrote this, I saw a rainbow; not the perfect rainbow, but a rainbow, nonetheless. Rainbows have always been a sign that the worst is almost over or completely over and a precious treasure is on the way. It’s surprising how, in just a day, things changed.
I reread what I had written so far and feel about a mile away from that man’s emotions. I’m not quite certain what changed, if anything, but I feel almost normal today. I’m sitting at my desk at work, waiting for my first client.
What I understand from going through this transition is this: when someone important passes away in your life, make certain that you take the time to grieve. I know in the Jewish tradition they sit Shiva for hours for seven days after the burial. This is about the exact time it has taken me to recover. Yet, I kept thinking I should get back to work.
Interestingly, almost all of my clients canceled this past week. I think the universe knew there was only time for grieving. I’m told that tears and grief are like the blood that rises to the surface of a cut on the skin to cleanse the wound of toxins before it heals. Tears allowed my mind to release toxins and despair. I’m grateful for her life and mine. Peace.
The purpose of this blog is to realize that the stories in the brain are impulses from Spirit to help us heal, if we are willing to take the time to understand our own pain. Most of us want to avoid it. But, if you are tired of reliving your stories over and over again, try learning to become the observer of your mind. Restore and Renew Your Mind. Finding out more about the Stages of Grief.
GIVE IT A TRY.
With 31 years of experience and a new, great office in beautiful Fort Lauderdale, Hypnosis on Las Olas creates a clear path to health and prosperity for many people in South Florida. I will help put you on the road to peace of mind and keep you there, so that you may rewrite your prosperous story daily and learn the True Meaning of Healing: “Your New Story, Your New Life.”
When Healing Flows like Living Water through your being, you’ll notice you feel led and connected, sleep better, your mind stays affixed on positive things, and you’ll even want to cook better, healthier food to protect your body. Are you looking for help with anxiety or are you bored at home.
Try this yoga practice below on YouTube I made just for this purpose or give me a call for a 10 minute consultation. I’d love to work through your stress at this time with you.
The process is so simple, it doesn’t make sense that it could result in such a vast change in mind. You could do some seated yoga. I actually made 3 different yoga videos on YouTube you could go to now and enjoy how great you’ll feel if you spend just a little time getting your body free of stress. But, I can’t do it for you. This article about it can make you do it. You must be a self-started at home, as well as work. Set your mind to a clear schedule of things to do. This would be a brilliant time to learn a new language or clean out the closets.
DON’T FORGET ABOUT PEACE OF MIND
We give away our peace of mind every time we react emotionally to inevitable change. Peace is yours to keep, not give away. So, if you are not experiencing peace, it’s up to you to share why you are anxious with yourself by carrying on a self dialogue. Yes, that’s right. Question yourself. Work it out together with all the parts of your mind (the good, bad, and the ugly). These are the times when we will be closest to our loved ones and also have a great deal of alone time. Use it to your spiritual and physical advantage.
Some friendly reminders about Peace:
- You are made in the image and by the grace of Peace.
- Peace doesn’t comprehend pandemonium.
- Peace of mind is gentle.
- Peace does not judge you or others.
- Peace promotes calm and love.
Peace Helps You Keep Your Retrospect in Check
We just have to stop believing them!” (Change your unhealthy thought process to a positive connection with Hypnotherapy.) Don’t avoid the Ripple!
You will always find all the coaching, compassion, and peace of mind you need at Hypnosis on Las Olas with 31 years of experience. You can find what we do? and How we do it here… Getting Older with GraceExperiencing Narcissistic Abuse Ironically, despite the popularity of the word, most people have never heard of the phrase “narcissistic abuse.”
The Physiology of Hypnotherapy:
By going into a subconscious, light sleep or trance, a hypnotists helps find the pathways connecting your outside stimulus to your negative thoughts (food, smoking, anxiety). The work begins in the frontal cortex of your brain!
Disconnect the root cause (stress, relationship problems, no quality ME time) at the foot of the pathway (the place where our response to triggers happens) and build a healthy, new pathway to positive outcomes in your life—a new story for tomorrow.
Email me at [email protected] or call/text at: 954-253-6493 now!
I’d love to help you find peace, regain control over your life, and build a bridge to a positive future.
How 5 Simple Words Can Change Your Life, by Bo Sebastian, Hypnosis on Las Olas, owner for 32 years.
Clinical Hypnosis has been known to help these 145 problems:
145 Ways Hypnotherapy Might Help You…
- Age Regression
- Assist Healing
- Attitude Adjustment
- Career Success
- Change Habits
- Panic Attacks
- Stage Fright
- Stressful days
- Study Habits
- Weight Loss
- Writers Block and much more
- For the full list go to: here