the Effects of DEmenTia on a famiLY
When dementia sets in, the time for considering options is over. Not a specific disease, dementia is a group of conditions characterized by impairment of at least two brain functions, such as memory loss and judgment. Symptoms include forgetfulness, limited social skills, and thinking abilities so impaired that it interferes with daily functioning. Medications and therapies may help manage symptoms. Some causes are reversible.
I have worked with many stages of grief in clients over the years who—with a big smile—call themselves “caretakers.” They say they cry often and keep their chins up to help those around them. This serves these clients well, because they feel happy when they are giving. Suddenly, though, the formula isn’t working anymore. Caregiving becomes a complete depletion of energy and causes immense distress and unhappiness, especially when the inevitable resolve is death. Anxiety and depression overwhelms. Yet, there is no escape from the inevitable loss coming or that has come.
the effects of dementia on a family
What I have noticed most about caregiving at this stage is that, if the caregiver is the same person who had cared for the individual before dementia, the caregiver can’t accept that the person being cared for is actually losing her or his mind. They stay in delusion, because at the beginning stages of dementia, the patient has moments of clarity and moments of fear, mixed with moments of feeling like they are living in a dream state. At least, that’s how my mom described it while she was still whole.
My Experience with the effects of dementia on a family
I, too, spent the majority of my life taking care of everyone, but most importantly my family, so when dementia began, I had to make a complete shift in thinking. I could not maintain peace of mind and be a 100% caregiver at the same time. My work was declining. My sleep sucked. And even more so, my relationships with everyone else in my world deteriorated, just like Mom’s mind.
About 19 years ago, my mother asked me if she could live with me in my mother-in-law apartment connected to my home. Because my mom and I had some unresolved childhood issues, I decided this might be the perfect way to resolve these issues.
I was correct. Mom and I bonded and loved and worked out all of the crap I had missed during my childhood when she left my dad at my tender age of 8. I didn’t see her again until I was 15. My mom had so much love and nurturing and home cooked meals she wanted to give me. This provided her the opportunity to treat me like the 8 year old she had left 35 years before.
This arrangement worked for a long time, until my mom felt as if she had paid her debt and then became a little self-righteous about earning her way into my life and my heart. She wouldn’t let my 4 sisters share the load of her caregiving as she was reaching an age where doctors visits began to overwhelm me. When this occurred I turned to my 4 sisters. We worked out a plan for Mom to move with one of them, so I could have my life back and get married.
Here’s the catch, though. My mom had about 3 operations in the past 7 years, and now I’m looking at the Mom I helped lose 60 lbs. and gain back her health and life, almost completely bedridden. I’m thinking: Is this my fault because I gave up taking care of her? Or was this inevitable at 90?
My grief is intermingled with guilt, as it was with the death of my grandmother who had been like a surrogate mother. The family released my grandmother to the care of one of my mother’s siblings, and then suddenly my Guggy was in a home and dead. I didn’t want that to happen to my mother—ever.
But, now, as clarity has disappeared, and dementia is here to stay, I am facing the inevitable. What do I do and where do I go to see this through with authenticity and the tears I probably should be shedding now?
The thing I think the most is: I’m not really talking to the mom I know and adore. I’m talking to a spirit in body that seems to have some of her life already in the ether with her sisters, dad, and Mom. She gets angry and mean like she’s never been before. She hits caregivers sometimes. She falls almost every week. What is there to do that we have not done yet?
My resolve is… nothing. Now the graceful dance of waiting and watching. Realizing that God is always in the small things that we don’t understand, teaching us how to live in peace and with grace. That’s what I pray everyday. I want to be a good son, but I also want my mom’s life to be in the hands of her Father/Mother in heaven. I can’t be the perfect caregiver anymore. I have to relinquish my helping hands to the perfect caregiver, God. With that, I “let go and let God!”
The purpose of this blog is to realize that the stories in the brain are impulses from Spirit to help us heal, if we are willing to take the time to understand our own pain. Most of us want to avoid it. But, if you are tired of reliving your stories over and over again, try learning to become the observer of your mind. Restore and Renew Your Mind. Finding out more about the Stages of Grief.
GIVE IT A TRY.
With 31 years of experience and a new, great office in beautiful Fort Lauderdale, Hypnosis on Las Olas creates a clear path to health and prosperity for many people in South Florida. I will help put you on the road to peace of mind and keep you there, so that you may rewrite your prosperous story daily and learn the True Meaning of Healing: “Your New Story, Your New Life.”
When Healing Flows like Living Water through your being, you’ll notice you feel led and connected, sleep better, your mind stays affixed on positive things, and you’ll even want to cook better, healthier food to protect your body. Are you looking for help with anxiety or are you bored at home.
Try this yoga practice below on YouTube I made just for this purpose or give me a call for a 10 minute consultation. I’d love to work through your stress at this time with you.
The process is so simple, it doesn’t make sense that it could result in such a vast change in mind. You could do some seated yoga. I actually made 3 different yoga videos on YouTube you could go to now and enjoy how great you’ll feel if you spend just a little time getting your body free of stress. But, I can’t do it for you. This article about it can make you do it. You must be a self-started at home, as well as work. Set your mind to a clear schedule of things to do. This would be a brilliant time to learn a new language or clean out the closets.
DON’T FORGET ABOUT PEACE OF MIND
We give away our peace of mind every time we react emotionally to inevitable change. Peace is yours to keep, not give away. So, if you are not experiencing peace, it’s up to you to share why you are anxious with yourself by carrying on a self dialogue. Yes, that’s right. Question yourself. Work it out together with all the parts of your mind (the good, bad, and the ugly). These are the times when we will be closest to our loved ones and also have a great deal of alone time. Use it to your spiritual and physical advantage.
Some friendly reminders about Peace:
- You are made in the image and by the grace of Peace.
- Peace doesn’t comprehend pandemonium.
- Peace of mind is gentle.
- Peace does not judge you or others.
- Peace promotes calm and love.
Peace Helps You Keep Your Retrospect in Check
Psychology Today says that “it’s not bad to have negative thoughts …
We just have to stop believing them!” (Change your unhealthy thought process to a positive connection with Hypnotherapy.) Don’t avoid the Ripple!
You will always find all the coaching, compassion, and peace of mind you need at Hypnosis on Las Olas with 31 years of experience. You can find what we do? and How we do it here… Getting Older with GraceExperiencing Narcissistic AbuseIronically, despite the popularity of the word, most people have never heard of the phrase “narcissistic abuse.”
Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. It is primarily inflicted by individuals who have either narcissistic personality disorder (NPD, which is characterized by a lack of empathy), or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD, also known as sociopaths or psychopaths), and is associated with the absence of a conscience. More than enough fish in the sea.
The Physiology of Hypnotherapy:
By going into a subconscious, light sleep or trance, a hypnotists helps find the pathways connecting your outside stimulus to your negative thoughts (food, smoking, anxiety). The work begins in the frontal cortex of your brain!
Disconnect the root cause (stress, relationship problems, no quality ME time) at the foot of the pathway (the place where our response to triggers happens) and build a healthy, new pathway to positive outcomes in your life—a new story for tomorrow.
Email me at [email protected] or call/text at: 954-253-6493 now!
I’d love to help you find peace, regain control over your life, and build a bridge to a positive future.
How 5 Simple Words Can Change Your Life, by Bo Sebastian, Hypnosis on Las Olas, owner for 32 years.
Clinical Hypnosis has been known to help these 145 problems:
145 Ways Hypnotherapy Might Help You…
- Age Regression
- Assist Healing
- Attitude Adjustment
- Career Success
- Change Habits
- Panic Attacks
- Stage Fright
- Stressful days
- Study Habits
- Weight Loss
- Writers Block and much more
- For the full list go to: here