I have often spoken of intimate conversations as the cadence of relationship. In this discourse, I will discuss moving from a narcissistic-type conversation to really listening.
The basis of a great relationship is intimate conversation wherein both partners listen and share equally and with utter abandon.
Last year, I had a client who was a self-proclaimed narcissist. His dad and mom were diagnosed narcissists. His initial phone call to me was about the likelihood of a narcissist—him—being able to change. Everyone in his life were abandoning him.
Knowing what I know about therapy and narcissism, I was quite uninterested; however, I got a nudge from the Holy Spirit to take this strapping, ex-cop at his word.
In the months after his first call, he went from losing his family and wife to regaining the love of his wife and family. I tell you this story, because one of the lessons we constantly worked on in his sessions was a. technique I developed called, “The Cadence of Intimate Conversation.”
Narcissists tend to take over conversations and never know how to give their listener (it doesn’t matter to whom he or she is speaking) a chance to interject anything. In fact, narcissists tend to go from topic to topic without even a breath. Usually, they keep you holding on when they can’t think of something new to say. “Well, you know” or “maybe” or “I’d like to see if…” until they are safe to proceed uninterruped.
Teaching someone to learn to listen and have an interest in communicating, instead of pretending to listen while trying to think of the next thing to say, was completely new to me. However, if you ask this man now, he would say this was one of the most difficult things he had ever learned in his life, but it drastically changed the dynamics of every relationship. Why? Because learning to listen takes becoming vulnerable to someone else’s opinion. Your partner will share and you will share things you never told anyone else. In so doing, you’ll become closer than you had ever imagined.
Caroline Myss says “Of the many needs we have as human beings, the one that brings us the most inner tranquility is sharing who we are, how we feel, what we are thinking, and what we are discovering about ourselves. We all need a sacred Witness in life, a person who can listen without judgment while knowing the right questions to ask that continually illuminate our path.
“We need this quality of deep sharing with another person because through such dialogue, we witness our own maturity through the years, we grapple with our own wounds, we cleanse ourselves of wrong-doings, we dig more carefully into the hidden resources in our nature, we muse over feelings that take us by surprise, we walk with a companion through labyrinths of dark confusion, we confront great questions about the meaning and purpose of our life and we examine what it is we believe to be true about the Sacred.”
I grew up a co-narcissist, which means I allowed someone to be a narcissist—my dad. Co-narcissists learn the behavior of their counterparts, but tend to be more compassionate. This diagnosis is also likely to be the person who doesn’t realize it, but continuously invites narcissists into their lives as mates and friends, because it’s familiar.
When Healing Flows like Living Water through your being, you’ll notice you feel led and connected, sleep better, your mind stays affixed on positive things, and you’ll even want to cook better, healthier food to protect your body.Are you looking for help with anxiety or are you bored at home.
Try this yoga practice below on YouTube I made just for this purpose or give me a call for a 10 minute consultation. I’d love to work through your stress at this time with you.
The process is so simple, it doesn’t make sense that it could result in such a vast change in mind. You could do some seated yoga. I actually made 3 different yoga videos on YouTube you could go to now and enjoy how great you’ll feel if you spend just a little time getting your body free of stress. But, I can’t do it for you. This article about it can make you do it. You must be a self-started at home, as well as work. Set your mind to a clear schedule of things to do. This would be a brilliant time to learn a new language or clean out the closets.
DON’T FORGET ABOUT PEACE OF MIND
We give away our peace of mind every time we react emotionally to inevitable change. Peace is yours to keep, not give away. So, if you are not experiencing peace, it’s up to you to share why you are anxious with yourself by carrying on a self dialogue. Yes, that’s right. Question yourself. Work it out together with all the parts of your mind (the good, bad, and the ugly). These are the times when we will be closest to our loved ones and also have a great deal of alone time. Use it to your spiritual and physical advantage.
Some friendly reminders about Peace:
We just have to stop believing them!” (Change your unhealthy thought process to a positive connection with Hypnotherapy.)
The Physiology of Hypnotherapy:
By going into a subconscious, light sleep or trance, a hypnotists helps find the pathways connecting your outside stimulus to your negative thoughts (food, smoking, anxiety). The work begins in the frontal cortex of your brain!
Disconnect the root cause (stress, relationship problems, no quality ME time) at the foot of the pathway (the place where our response to triggers happens) and build a healthy, new pathway to positive outcomes in your life—a new story for tomorrow.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or call/text at: 954-253-6493 now!
I’d love to help you find peace, regain control over your life, and build a bridge to a positive future.
The Color of Change, by Bo Sebastian, Hypnosis on Las Olas, owner for 32 years.
Clinical Hypnosis has been known to help these 145 problems: